My homegirl called me crying because she got dumped. I mean…it happens right? But she got dumped for a Bimbo! Her ex man is rocking this girl on his arm like she’s Michelle Obama. The insanity of it all is that it’s no secret that the Bimbo’s vaginal car fax is much to be desired. Anyway, that didn’t stop him for posting lip locking selfies on his Instagram page of this “new love.” Oh…I guess this isn’t the time to tell you that he gave the girl a promise ring which was also posted on Instagram. Call me insensitive but while my homegirl was crying, all I could think to myself was, “Man, Hoes be winning!” What are these hoes doing that the rest of you females are not? I grabbed the Hoe-clopedia and did a little research and I think my findings might surprise and help you.
I wanted insight from all angles of why these hoes are winning and why perfectly sweet women like my homegirl were losing. What did this girl have on her anyway? Unfortunately, I discovered that she had a lot on her which included winning personality traits. Yes…I know what you are thinking. Hoes with character? ABSOLUTELY! These hoes have character like you’ve never seen.
I thought to myself, what if all women could adopt some of these personality traits? Then, I guess hoes wouldn’t be winning and you wouldn’t be getting dumped for them. Anyway, I know you want to know what these hoes are doing because it really has nothing to do with sex so kick up your feet and take notes.
1. Hoes Don’t Play Games – yes you know that game you keep playing with your man? The one where he calls and you don’t pick up? Yes that game. Then you clean up your apartment, go grocery shopping, get the car washed, talk on the phone to your home girl for an hour, comb instagram, then you call him back 5 hours later? Well…my darling the hoe aint playing that game with him. She, unlike you, doesn’t play games.
2. Hoes Stroke Egos – I know his belly is a little round and he probably didn’t need a burger for lunch but why did you mention that to him? Why would you say, “yuck babe you know you don’t need that burger with that extra cheese.” (inserts frown face) He knows he doesn’t need the burger with extra cheese but at his hoes house he can eat whatever he wants. She’s not frowning up her face. In fact, she is driving him straight to Five Guys where he gets a double patty. After he washes that down she tells him how big, strong, and handsome he is. Why? Hoes stroke egos. While you’re complaining she’s telling him how smart he is.